EMT - EXAMINE MY THOUGHTS
Examine My Thoughts, Carefully & Prayerfully (also known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
1) Pursue the EMT basic map by completing these sentence starters:
*What I’ve been believing (or expecting, resisting or doing) is ____
*This made or makes me feel ____
*With these feelings, how I’ve acted was (or am currently acting is) ____
*The results of all of this have been ____
2) Use the word “Instead” to choose a new possibility:
i.e. ”Instead, I __________” Note: The secret of the exercise is to simply make a choice to go there- whatever you’ve described after the word “instead.” No one can tell you how to do this, but you can do this and somewhere inside you, you can sense this choice.
See examples below or go by pure inspiration to create your own “instead" (above).
Each of these examples is followed by where you could now go (using the word “instead”).a) I’ve been believing that when someone doesn’t believe in me, that I have no valid reason to believe in myself.
Instead, I trust God’s love and encouragement.
b) I’ve been believing that _______ should change, to make me feel better.
Instead I will feel better by living in my integrity.
c) I’ve wanted to run from my current situation because I’ve been believing that it is __________ who caused it. More so, if he or she caused it, there’s no escaping my pain. I’m a victim, and I need to run.
Instead I will a) fully embrace that I cause my world (100%) and I will live what I believe and enjoy my life and my marriage.
d) I’m expecting ________ (spouse’s name) to take away my shame and anger by treating me nicer or being more positive.
Instead I accept his or her’s struggle to work through his or her’s feelings and perspective. I alone must decide who I am, no one else. And besides, I may be misunderstanding what he or she is actually feeling about me anyway.
e) I’ve been believing that when someone is adversarial that I am in danger and need to protect myself.
Instead of getting defensive or sullen I will inwardly pray for this person, forgive him and explore ways I can turn the conversation around so that he or she feels safe.
f) I’ve been believing that there’s not enough time to take care of anyone like I’d like to. This has made me self absorbed, panicked, insensitive, impatient and careless, which makes the ones I love feel let down and even less taken care of, which makes me feel even more alone and panicked.
Instead, I believe that God will assist me in managing my time carefully and consciously- to balance what needs attention. I will start by reading “Getting Things Done” by David Allen.
g) I’ve been bugging my spouse to meet my needs better.
This has made me disappointed & turned me into an obnoxious 2 year old.
Instead I will invite my spouse and inspire (vs. badger) him or her toward a life of mutual care.
h) I’ve been believing that I have no voice, nor rights in guiding our relationship to something that works for me too. This has filled me with bitterness and resentment and made you even less interested in loving and serving me.
Instead I will walk with God directly into what may be some uncomfortable but necessary conversations about how our relationship could work better for both of us- the heart of these conversations being my consistent presentation of U.S.A. requests.
3) Take another look aroundIs there another thought or belief underneath this that deserves your attention even more? If so, repeat #1 and #2 above (with or without some of the examples provided above).
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Notes:
a) You can work forward or backward. You can work from your thoughts and feelings to the result your creating, or, you can work backwards, starting with your current attitude and results, working back to the feelings that lead to these results and the thoughts that lead to the feelings. Either direction is great.
b) Examine alternatives. Examine alternative beliefs. Examine alternate results of your beliefs (Examples below). Examine alternatives “insteads.” Examine alternative “actions” inside of your “Insteads” (see examples below). ‘
c) Involve God the best you can. As you get closer to a misbelief or feeling that doesn’t serve you, slow yourself down, get more face to face with God and ask Him to change your heart.
d) Important note on EMT or any breakthrough work. Breakthrough work is only a small part of change.
Real breakthrough results from consistently availing yourself to the grace of Christ and the life changing love and power of God. As you open yourself to God (even if you don’t know what that power is, or think of it as “the universe”), He can and will meet you where you are and then as Emily Freeman says, bring you to where you can be.
In this sense, a better name for breakthrough is repentance. As you increasingly give God your heart, He will increasingly change it, and you will look back on your life, your thoughts, your actions and say to yourself. “I’ve been saved by His grace. It feels so good that that thinking or those actions are in the past.” This is a wonderful and steady process and breakthrough work can assist in delivering you a little closer to the feet of Jesus, where He can get a better hold of you and lift you up to higher ground.
If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been visiting a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and go on to another section below.
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SIMPLE EXCHANGE
1) Acting as your own coach, (staying with whatever negative beliefs and feelings you visited above) ask yourself, “Is it possible that this belief or these beliefs and/or feelings are not actually you?”
“Yes” or “No.” Either answer is perfect
2) Ask, “Is it possible that this feeling or belief is not actually you, but is an effort to sabotage your life so that you won’t have to face losing what you love, or the possibility that in the end there is nothing anyway and that your life is temporary or meaningless?
Is it possible that anything similar to the above is at least part of what’s really going on and that the bee in your bonnet (or knot in your knickers) and all the crazy beliefs you’re working through are just a distraction?
“Yes” or “No.” Either answer is perfect.
3) Ask, “Now that you have fully acknowledged what could be going on at a couple of different levels, perhaps you could, to some degree, just let it all go; your beliefs, your addictions to outcomes, your need for approval, your need for meaning, your fear of death, your fear of losing all you love- everything.
I’m not asking you to let it go, but do you think you could just let go; your worry, your controllment, self doubt, self contempt, resignation, anger, victim stories and everything else you’ve been using to block your path to happiness?
“Yes” or “No.” Either answer is perfect.
4) Now ask yourself (without expectation), “Will you let this go?”
“yes” or “no.” Either answer is perfect.
5) Simple ExchangeRegardless of your answer (above), notice now that this part of you (whatever you’ve been working with), is loosening. Notice it is beginning, all by itself, to thin and to gently move out into the infinite space in front of you.
Notice at the same time, the light and love of God, moving through you, from the top of your head, down into your whole soul.
Notice these two things happening at the same time.
Tell me when you are noticing both of these things at the same time. Stay with this for a minute or so.
NOTE: You can repeat “Simple Exchange” quite a few times, right in a row, for optimum impact.
If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been visiting a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and go on to another section below.