Possibilities for guiding yourself out of blame, anger, helplessness, distrust or despondency into trust, hope, love & enthusiasm.
Breakthrough materials are for Path of Peace participants ONLY. Friends and family can receive these materials by making an appointment for coaching.
Table of Contents
combinations
Recordings
Prelude - melting resistance
What we fear or resist, we create. If I am afraid of being abandoned, I will unconsciously create being abandoned.
On the other side of the court, what we scratch for or need too much, we tend to dis-create by tripping ourselves up on the way to it.
Breakthrough is about melting resistance.
As I melt my resistance or fear about something I want to avoid, I seem to stop attracting it. For example, as I melt my fear about attracting another narcissist into my life, I will start attracting people that are more aware and caring.
On the other side of the court, as I melt my desperation to have something I currently don’t have, I begin to attract it. For instance, If I decide I will not be happy until I’m “successful” or have the “perfect” marriage etc., all that scratching for success and the perfect marriage will block my path to it.
So the first purpose of breakthrough work is to melt my resistance to whatever I’m trying so hard to avoid- to become at peace with whatever currently is- without pushing against it, or needing it to change.
The second goal of breakthrough work to melt my resistance or push-against not having what I want- to melt my push against things, just as they are, right now.
The final dimension of breakthrough is perhaps the most important: It is to release my resistance to the very resistance I’m describing above. It is to be able to say, “Wow, this is fascinating. I’m resisting all all my resistance! Perfect! I guess it’s time for some more breakthrough work.”
Rat in the Attic
Whether melting resistance to fears or to desires- stories of distrust, or stories of limitations- non-resistance is key.
In getting to non-resistance, it’s worth noting what you’re up against:
Familiarity.
If a rat gets lodged in your attic- all set up with a straw bed, rat furniture, rat treats all arrayed and neat, little rat TV set… he’s happy! The last thing he wants do is leave his comfy home. Yelling at him or being upset that he’s there will only drive him deeper into his pile of straw and grass to protect himself.
Pretend for a moment that the rat, or limiting belief or story is actually in your head (not the attic). It’s the same situation. Don’t get mad at this part of yourself. Don’t resist it and try to force him out.
Be accepting, loving and thankful, but be steady and true in your eviction process (your breakthrough work). “Hey little guy, it’s O.K! Thanks for trying to protect me from failure, by making sure I don’t succeed. Thanks for keeping me from a broken heart by making sure I never get too close to anyone. Thanks for providing me with such a wonderful opportunity for breakthrough and growth. Now let’s get you free from this attic (from my head). It’s not working out very well for either of us!”
Breakthrough & the 9 Agreements
In general Breakthrough is about melting resistance, opening your heart and creating possibilities in your thinking. With each of the 9 Agreements, there is also a specific underlying application.
breakthrough Applications for “the 9 Agreements”
Agreement 1) Live Life Intentionally - Breakthrough limiting thoughts.
Agreement 2) Unconditional Trust - Breakthrough your stories of distrust.
Agreement 3) Boundaries - Breakthrough your resistance to personal boundaries.
Agreement 4) Love vs. Control - Breakthrough your tendency to control.
Agreement 5) Heal the Real Wounds - Breakthrough is a central aspect of healing.
Agreement 6) Show Up (“Come down from the tree”) - Breakthrough your tendency to play small.
Agreement 7) Assist Others in Showing Up - Breakthrough seeing small (i.e. friends/loved ones).
Agreement 8) Choose Opportunity - Breakthrough your resistance to opportunity (to the road less traveled)
Agreement 9) I Cause My World - Breakthrough your excuses, stories, blame and closed heart.
Instructions, tips & reccomendations
INSTRUCTIONS
1) Get at least somewhat familiar with all the processes.
2) Whenever you would like to breakthrough from your current state back to hope, trust and love, browse through the processes and go with the ones you’re drawn to.
3) You can choose single processes, pre-set combinations or create your own combinations. We’ve included some recommendations for different situations.
TIPS
1) Breakthrough works naturally with prayer
Prayer itself is the most basic and powerful breakthrough activity. a major inside out, breakthrough work. Additionally, God is the the perfect breakthrough partner for any process mentioned this book. How does this work? Whatever you’re doing, do it with Him. Wherever you’re going, ask Him to lead you by the hand and to be with you. It’s that simple, no matter the breakthrough process.
2) Often, the tools you’re working through (below) will not seem to apply to the issue you’re working on. If you are humble and open you will discover interesting applications. Be inspired. Be creative. Have some fun with all of this.
3) Don’t be surprised if a sudden, helpful insight occurs to you sometime during your breakthrough work. This is one of the bi-products of melting your story and resistance.
4) Any of these sections can be done verbally, in your mind, or in writing (as you are inspired).
5) About being “Complete”
“Complete”, meaning, you feel like you’ve received the desired value from this section and that any further pursuit of this section would probably deliver a diminishing return. It is also means an intuitive feeling that there is additional value waiting in other sections.
6) The focus of breakthrough work
Breakthrough isn’t just about dismantling your inner experience (i.e. anger) or your outer behavior (i.e. procrastination). Breakthrough is only effective as you work on your subject line (inner or outer) and your resistance to this inner or outer experience. Melting our resistance to what we would like to change is the most powerful aspect of creating the change.
7) Ratings: It can be helpful to give a number rating to the issue or inner condition at the time you start breakthrough work. And then at the end of your work for the day, or for that month etc. from 0 to 10. “10” means “If I can’t change what I’m feeling about this, I will implode, or stop breathing.” “0” means “I have zero resistance or upset regarding this subject line. I’m at peace and am experiencing overall increased energy.”
reccomendations
All Purpose (for anything): Just Notice and Just Feel
For a fast, dependable breakthrough, for almost anything, use Talking Scripture
In a funk / lack of motivation - 10 Step Breakthrough and/or Faith & Focus
Continuing to attract the same kind of disastrous relationship - Combine Faith & Focus with Opposite Action
“Pissed off” and/or in a small victim story - Healing Mirror and Betrayal Turn-Around
In a deep victim story, usually about someone in your past - Clearing Sequence
Deeply hurt by someone - Clearing Sequence
Deeply hurt by someone - Ho’oponopono (V1) and Look for Yourself as the Cause
Generally upset and/or discouraged - Space for Trust and/or 10 Step
Physical Illness - Ho’oponopono (Bottom half)
Worried - Worse Case Scenario
Character Weakness - Faith & Focus with 10 Step and Ho’oponopono (V2)
Feeling like you are not good enough - 10 Step followed by Ho’oponopono (V2)
Basic Breakthrough
Time - Your first go-to breakthrough. Letting some time go by can change the way you look at something.
Prayer - Consistent communication with God will heal your mind, heart and life. Tell Him everything!
Headspace Meditation App - perfect combination with prayer.
Scriptures - Plug into high octane consciousness. Open it up anywhere.
Exercise - Free your mind by moving your body.
Service - Lifting someone else seems to lift you too. Click here for more on service.
Time in Nature - Walk, breathe, notice, feel what you feel inside & outside your body. Use Headspace.
Journaling - Set a timer for at least 15 minutes and say what you need to say. Click here for more on this.
Gratitude - Counting your blessings. Thanking God for as many blessings as you can think of.
Music - Try this one as an example, Bocelli and the Tab choir “The Lord’s Prayer.”
Singing - Boyd Packer once said that the quickest way to get something unwanted out of your brain is to sing a Hymn
Spiritual Support - Church, prayer meetings etc. We fly better in flocks. Listen to Pastor Joel on this.
A combination of any of the above
10-Step breakthrough
You are closer than you think…
(as Joel Osteen puts it) speaks to a miraculous dimension of our existence: By nature we can and tend to transcend. Kick starting this can be as simple as the following steps. Note that you can use the recording instead of the written content. If you do you’ll want to pause the recording from time to time (as needed).
The “10 Step” Breakthrough is proprietary- for “Path of Peace” participants only. Have friends & family join us at a free event to receive the needed support on this.
Return to Breakthrough Index/directory
Breakthrough training seminars (recordings)
This collage was inspired by the “Sedona Method”, ConniRae Andreason’s “Core Transformation”, Dave Newren, Dr. Cliff Dunston, Michael Singer, Byron Katie and Jeff Herrera. Note: This is written in the 3rd person, as if you are working on it with a friend or facilitator. If you’re working with this alone, same thing. Let’s face it, you’ve been talking to yourself for years. Might as well get somewhere with it.
1) Identify unwanted feeling or thought, or belief and give it a number…
…from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest). Note: Is there anything underneath this subject line (what you’ve just identified)? Is there anything underneath this?.. and so forth, for a moment or two.
Possibilities:
Things don’t seem to work out for me
I don’t like how things are
I’m overwhelmed (there’s too much to do)
People don’t come through for me
My spouse isn’t there for me
No one understands me
I’m not good enough to be loved. It doesn’t matter what I do
There’s no purpose in anything (or my life is pointless)
I can’t lose weight. I’ll always be overweight &/or sick
I don’t have enough money. I never will
I’m afraid to live / I’m afraid to die
I’m afraid of everything
I don’t forgive _______ (person’s name). I never will
I live in the future and panic about what’s going to happen
I live in deep regret and can’t forgive myself
I’ve loved and lost and can’t (or won’t) move forward
I don’t trust _______ (name)
I’m completely stuck &/or torn &/or confused
I feel alone no matter how many relationships I have
I’m angry and don’t know why
2) Fully acknowledge this feeling or belief.
Don’t try to push it away.
Don’t try to pretend it’s not there.
Don’t wish it didn’t exist.
Don’t beat yourself up for it (That’s not going to help)
Don’t try and get away from it.
Just acknowledge this feeling, belief or inner experience.
Tell me when you’re complete with fully acknowledging this feeling or belief.
3) Praise God for the possibility in this feeling, fear, upset or limiting belief i.e.
Anything similar to… “Thank you so much for the growth and refinement that can come from this and that through this you can make weak things strong and bring me home.”
Tell me when you’re complete with choosing praise or gratitude.
4) Ask, “Is it possible that this feeling or belief is not actually you?”
“Yes” or “No.” Either answer is perfect.
5A) Ask, “Is it possible that this feeling or belief is not actually you, but is a hysterical response to your fears or distrust, and a response that isn’t working out very well?” -
“yes” or “no.” Either answer is perfect.
5B) Ask, “Is it possible that this unwanted feeling or belief is not actually you, but is simply a distraction from something even worse?”
For example…
a) Could your anger be a way of avoiding vulnerability?
b) Could your depression or lack of motivation be a way of protecting yourself from your fear of failing?
c) Or, at a deeper level, could your tendency to self-sabotage be to protect you from your fear that even after you have got everything you want, life still sucks?
“Yes” or “No.” Either answer is perfect.
Note: 5B isn’t something you need to give much thought to. It’s just to create a space of possibilities in your mind.
6) Ask, “Now that you have fully acknowledged and experienced this (whatever you’re working on) perhaps you could, to some degree, just let it go.
I’m not asking you to let it go, but do you think you could just let it go?
Is that possible?
- “Yes” or “No.” Either answer is perfect.
7) Ask, “Will you let this go?”
“Yes” or “No.” Either answer is perfect.
8) Notice that whatever thought or belief you’ve been working with and the feeling it’s creating is loosening.
Notice it’s beginning, all by itself, to thin (to kind of lose it’s grip on you) and to gently move out into the infinite space in front of you.
Notice at the same time, the light and love of God moving through you, from the top of your head, down into your whole soul.
Notice these two things happening at the same time.
Tell me when you are noticing both of these things at the same time. Stay with this for a minute or so.
9) Choose & declare a new reality (often something opposite than what you’re currently experiencing)
What are you willing to cause? or what reality do you now choose? "i.e. “I cause _________” or “I am _________” etc. What is the truth about who you really are, about what God is trying to make of you, about what you’re fully willing to do and be?
…or, what truth is patiently waiting for your embrace- for instance, “My spouse is truly wonderful, just as he is. He is just want the doctor ordered. I don’t need him or anyone else to be different than who they are. Thank you God that through my marriage to this man or woman (or through this relationship with ______), I am learning what I never could have learned and becoming what I never would have become, therefore God, I choose love. I choose forgiveness. I choose patience. I choose happiness” or…
”God loves me. He’s always loved me. I am never and have never been alone.” etc.
It can feel awkward sometimes to say it, but in saying it (out loud) you are in a very real sense, causing it. And here’s the secret: Don’t try to cause it. Just say it.
“God said, let there be light and there was light.” You are a child of God, whose existence is pure, infinite, cause. Saying something that is true- in stillness- in a lack of resistance, tends to cause (or manifest) whatever it is you’re saying.
Examples of new realities (what you’re breaking through to)
Each example is preceded by the subject line (or what you’re breaking through from)
Things don’t seem to work out for me
Thing are always working out for me. God takes care of meI don’t like how things are
I’m grateful for everything, just as it is. Thank you God, for everything!I’m overwhelmed (there’s too much to do)
I put my attention on and do one thing at a time. The rest can wait.People don’t come through for me
Down deep, the people in my life I count on want to come through for me. I trust this.My spouse isn’t there for me
I trust that my spouse is trying to be there for me.No one understands me
I’m honest, loving & straightforward, so people get meI’m not good enough to be loved. It doesn’t matter what I do
God loves me with a infinite love. I feel this coming through and to othersMy life is pointless
As long as I live, I can give and as I give, I feel alive and contentI can’t lose weight. I’ll always be overweight &/or sick
I am ____pounds of vibrant healthI don’t have enough money. I never will
I am a money magnet and live habits of success and abundanceI’m afraid to live / I’m afraid to die
I love to live and am at peace with my eternal lifeI’m afraid of everything
I am courageous in everythingI don’t forgive _______ (person’s name). I never will
I fully forgive _______ as God also, completely forgives meI live in the future and panic about what’s going to happen
I am fully present and trust that all things will work for my good in the futureI live in deep regret and can’t forgive myself
I fully trust God’s forgiveness and cast my burdens on JesusI’ve loved and lost and can’t (or won’t) move forward
Everyone I have ever loved, I will always love, as they will always love me - My heart is fullI don’t trust _______ (name)
I trust ______, that he or she, at some level, wants to come through for meI’m stuck &/or torn &/or confused
I’m patient & trust God as I determine the best courseI feel alone no matter how many relationships I have
I feel connected to everyone, because my heart is filled with love for everyoneI’m angry and don’t know why
I’m happy and peaceful just because I’m happy and peaceful
10) Just say “yes”
Ask and answer any or all of the following questions, without thinking. Answer with “yes.” As with Step 9, notice your resistance, then (nevertheless) answer with “yes” or whatever affirmative answer you can.
Example: If your declaration from step 9 was “I’m courageous in everything”, your questions to the person you’re working with (or to yourself) would be anything like…
Are you courageous in everything? (Answer, “yes”)
So it’s true that you are courageous in everything? (Answer, “yes”)
So what you’re saying is that you’re courageous in everything.” (Answer, “yes”)
Alternatively, you could declare your choice again i.e. “I am courageous in everything.”
Then, back to the questions…“Is this true?” “yes” etc.
“It’s true then?” (“yes”)
“So if I look up ‘courageous’ in the dictionary, I’ll see a picture of you?” (Answer, “yes”)
“Really?” (“Yes. It’s true. I’m courageous in everything.”)
Is this true? (“yes”)
Say it one more time. (Answer “yes”)
Continue in this line of question and answer (and declaration) until what you’re choosing (i.e. courage) rests naturally in your heart.
Start over at the top (#1 of the 10 Step Breakthrough Collage), repeating the process, with the same subject line until you have come to a rating that seems acceptable to you for now. (Rating is 0 to 10, with 10 being highest).
Additional Notes on 10-Step Breakthrough
If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been visiting a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and pick another section.
Clearing Sequence
Connecting to Love
Whatever relationship you’re thinking about- whatever internal condition you’re experiencing, there are always two possibilities:
1) Love exists in this- somehow, somewhere and
2) Love does not and can not, nor will it ever exist in this.
#1 usually works out better for us.
It is easy to interpret someone’s actions or words as the evidence that you are unlovable or not good enough. So often, it is not the other person’s intent to communicate this!
Re framing (or “clearing”) means a search for what was really going on- sometimes, perhaps even finding a hidden message of love.
This is an advanced breakthrough processes for interpersonal breakthrough (with a person in your past or present) but can also be used in a communication between your real self (a child of God) and your struggling, hurting or disconnected self. We advise, ideally, doing this with a counselor.
1) With person you are clearing with in mind, move from your blame to pain
Complete a and b in your mind or to a proxy:
a) “When you (description of behavior ________________ ), I feel (or felt) _______________ (i.e. afraid that____, alone, abandoned, ashamed, hopeless, not safe, terrified, lost, like nothing, useless, not worthy of love, controlled, abused, meaningless, forsaken etc.)”
b) “What I need (or needed) from you the most was (or is) ____________”
2) Re frame your experience by receiving the apology that resides in this person’s real (but perhaps lost) self.
You can do this either in your mind or through a proxy- using any of the responses below. If you’re using a proxy, you may want to check mark the responses you sense you need to hear (or if on a computer, point to them).
It’s me and/or I hear you.
What was really going on with me was (or is) ________” (whatever comes to you or the proxy)
I understand what you’re saying or
I think I understand. I think I always did.
I wanted to love you so much more. I’m so sorry. I got so lost, so confused in my life, so afraid.
I went into so much darkness, and I couldn’t seem to get out.
I pointed it all at you.
I let you down. I let you down so badly. I see this now. I know this.
I made you feel less-than, disregarded, like nothing.
I wanted so much to come through for you, but I didn’t.
So listen now, please. This is the real me now. I have always loved you. That was never the question. There just wasn’t much of me left to love you or come through for you. I was gone and I didn’t know how to find my way back.
Since the moment I first saw you, I loved you.
I will always love you. How could I not!?
I’m so sorry. Please, could you forgive me?
Will you forgive me?
Note that there are two possibilities, and both are real.
There is the him or her that truly let you down- a scoundrel, a narcissist, a self-centered brat, an abusive monster in some cases.
There is also the real man, or woman, who at least wanted to come through for you- to love you, to make you feel protected, respected, cherished and loved.
He or she is in there, to some small degree. So as your proxy asks for your forgiveness, what will you choose to be real? Because it is a choice. And however you choose to see the past is how you will tend create the future.
3) Receive and acknowledge - i.e. “I hear you and as God has forgiven me, I forgive you.” Extra: “I can only imagine what you were going through or what you’ve been going through.”
4) With this same person in mind, state the 5 expressions of compassion below to whoever you’re clearing with or to a proxy (This is modified version of Harry Palmer’s “Compassion Process.”)
“Just like me, you’ve been seeking some happiness in your life.”
“Just like me, you’ve been trying to avoid suffering.”
“Just like me, you’ve known sadness, loneliness & despair.”
“Just like me, you’ve struggled to fulfill your needs in a positive, win-win way.”
“Just like me, you’re learning about life.”
Optional: Click here if you’d like to know more about these questions
Reverse direction and in your mind or with a proxy, apologize to the person who’s been apologizing to you (via the proxy).
Apologize for whatever you can- whatever you are inspired to apologize for. Please consider the list below:
I’ve been blaming you for anything and everything.
I have been self absorbed. I have been insensitive. I have been impatient.
I have been careless and abusive.
I failed to share my feelings of hurt, fear or vulnerability with you & emotionally withdrew.
I’ve been pointing my frustrations, fears and unhappiness at you.
I failed to peacefully communicate & instead, chose blame, negativity &/or withdrawal.
I allowed myself to continue to feel uncomfortable with _______ (keep details just in your mind).
In my unwillingness to make sure things work for me too, I have built up some resentment.
I have been unwilling to get clear with myself about what my boundaries are.
I’ve wanted your approval more than I wanted my own self respect.
I've not been appreciative for you and what you do. I’ve taken you for granted.
Instead of celebrating our blessings I have chosen to fuel my disappointments.
I have been more committed to my story of how you have wronged me, than to you.
I disconnected from your love, got defensive and imagined you were out to get me.
I’ve been lazy and this has led to a whole string of problems.
I’ve been inconsistent about doing the things that keep a good feeling between us.
Instead of letting you know how proud I am of you, I’ve given you my disappointment.
I have failed to put you first, take care of your needs & do my best to make you happy.
I’ve been wanting you to see the error of your ways and to apologize to me.
I haven’t clearly asked for what I need and/or been encouraging when you try to give it.
Through not living inside my boundaries, I’ve supported your aggression and abuse.
I have viewed you as the source of my feelings of abandonment, not-enough etc.
I’ve set you up, the best I can, to affirm my greatest fear i.e. that I don’t matter.
Without realizing it, I’ve pushed you into proving that I’m unlovable & not enough.
I’m causing people to be who they are by my labels, judgments and stories about them.
If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been visiting a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) choose another section. Return to Breakthrough Index/directory
For one on one breakthrough training, schedule an appointment with John or text Narelle @ 801 548 8212.
Faith & Focus
See the Vision. Melt Your Story.
Getting a clearer picture in your mind of what you see for your life can quickly dissolve whatever blocks seem to stand in the way.
Faith & Focus is one of the two dimensions of Living Life Intentionally (Agreement 1). It is also a major possibility in Breakthrough.
When a vision becomes strong and moving enough and when you are 100% committed to taking whatever action leads to it, the vision (the goal) and your movement toward it naturally melts the resistance surrounding it.
When you are willing to fully see something in advance and get in agreement with God about it’s reality, and get in action toward it, whatever unconscious beliefs there that seem to be pulling you away from this vision seem to lose their strength.
Having said this, its always important to also be working through hidden reservations and considerations (behind the scenes, working against the vision) at the same time. Hence, many of the other processes found in this book.
Here are some guidelines to living in vision (also called “Faith & Focus”)
1) **Say it and/or see it and feel it
**Variations
Phrase or affirmation with a favorite mental picture (or two) i.e. “I am a loving, patient, fun, husband” with a mental picture (and experience) of you and your spouse, hand in hand, on a beach- listening to her, hearing her laugh, hugging etc.
A picture on your vision board with an affirmation and perhaps some additional pictures in your mind.
Just words- a simple phrase, or a full affirmation (as seen above).
Just a picture- perhaps 3 or 4 super meaningful mental images you move through on your morning walk and/or meditation i.e. one on relationships, one on health, one on your business etc.
2) Ask God to assist you with it and refine you for it.
3) Be present to it (without scratching for it). “Give place” to it.
4) If inspired, express sorrow to God for blocking what He is trying to bless you with. This simple moment of sorrow can free you from the energy drain of keeping up your excuses and and in this break you out of resistance.
5) Thank God for everything just as it is and for this emerging reality a reality that you are present to but not scratching for. A reality that you have completely made a space for and are moving toward, but do not need.
6) Ask God (and thank Him in advance for) the strength to take the steps and develop the habits leading to your vision(s).
If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been visiting a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and choose another section.
Return to Breakthrough Index/directory
For one on one breakthrough training, schedule an appointment with John or text Narelle @ 801 548 8212.
Just Notice
Just Notice…
…is one of the fastest, most effect breakthroughs. This can work as a prelude to other breakthrough processes, or can sometimes be all you need.
Here’s how it works:
1) Just notice that you’ve got some kind of a story going on i.e. “Hey, I’ve got a story about this!”
It may be helpful to note several different kinds of “stories.”
Victim story (“I can’t believe he did this to me.”)
Villain story (“She’s always so critical. That’s our biggest problem.”)
Helpless story (“There’s nothing I can do. There’s no way out. It will always going to be like this.”)
Redemption story (“If he will just see it my way or do what he’s supposed to, I’ll feel much better about myself.”)
General distrust (“People don’t care. This world sucks. Nothing turns out. Everything’s against me.”)
2) Once you notice you’re in a story, sometimes it just unravels right there on the spot.
If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been visiting a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and choose another section
Return to Breakthrough Index/directory
Talking Scriptures
Get Some Light on the Subject
Talking Scriptures is a unique and potentially powerful Breakthrough possibility. Narelle and I have used this for years, almost each time with virtually instant results.
Step 1) Ask God to inspire you in this process and you will be lead to a clear message- a breakthrough in your understanding and a shift in your state.
Step 2) With this prayer in your heart, open your scriptures (or scroll through books, chapters and verses on your device) and randomly pick a scripture verse.
Step 3) After reading the verse, ask yourself, “what might God be trying to tell me in this verse?” or “Is there a way He could use this verse to get something through to me?” Meditate and listen for a moment. See what comes.
Step 4) Again, going by intuition, open your scriptures to another verse with the hope of seeing a connection between the first verse you read and now this one. Think outside the box. Be open. What message could God be trying to bless you with? What new way of seeing things could He be opening to you? Not always, but most of the time, you will find a connection between the two scriptures and a message to your soul.
Note: Don’t get hung up in trying to figure out if God is actually getting through to you or not. Just do your best to dial in. This breakthrough isn’t about turning you into a prophet- it’s about opening your mind to possibilities- to God, to new perspectives and to peace. Looking for God’s message to you opens you and heals you, regardless of the specific content He is able to get through to you. Just looking creates will often create breakthrough.
Return to Breakthrough Index/directory
Feel & heal (part 1 & 2)
Often, healing starts by just letting it go.
Note: “Feel & Heal” is also built into 10 Step and Smoke Alarm & Doorbells but is set forth here for it’s incredible, stand-alone value.
P.S. Click here for the whole “Tacoma” video clip from 2014. It’s a classic.
I was coaching a couple recently and was impressed by what this young woman said about her husband. “Sometimes I just need him to put on his girlfriend hat.” My take on this was that girlfriends don’t fix each other. They just cry with each other!
Carl Rogers (one of the grandfather’s of phycology) once said, “When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, ‘Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it's like to be me.’”,
If someone hears me and knows me, even if that person IS me (even if I’m listening to myself), then all the energy I’ve spent trying to keep it all in- trying to “keep it together”, I can now spend facing whatever challenge I’m facing.
So the the 1st part of the “Feel & Heal” formula is human and natural. But the 2nd part reaches into the supernatural- into the arms of God.
I’ve always asked the people I work with- how can God reach heal your pain if you don’t feel it!? He can’t touch your heart if you don’t make it available. That’s the magic of Feeling & Healing. The moment you open your mouth, the very instant you reach out to Him, He can now reach you.
Wonderfully, feeling what you feeling and talking to God about it tends to happen, not as two separate events, but very naturally, as one.
“Feel & Heal”
Part 1) Most importantly, just feel it. Stop trying to cheer yourself up etc.
For assistance, consider calling a friend as shown in the picture above (Tip: Warn him or her, ahead of time, to NOT advise you or try to fix your world).
You may also want to write in your journal. Sometimes it’s easier to get it out in writing. It’s like your hand knows more about what you feel than your mouth is willing to express. If you don’t know what you feel, just start writing.
Part 2) - Reach out to God. Talk to Him. Hear Him.
Talk to God about your feelings and/or when writing in your journal, write directly to God. It’s even more helpful to pause and record what you feel He’s saying back. You’ll almost always feel something.
Note: In talking to God (as Kayla says in the video below), it doesn’t matter what you’re feeling- just start talking. You’ll be surprised at how healing this conversation can be.
If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been visiting a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and pick another section.
Return to Breakthrough Index/directory
"walk list" (breakthrough questions)
Be wise. Take a walk.
This young man is using the “Walk-List.” Because of this, when he is old, he will still be married to the same person he’s married to now.
Why is this called the “Walk List
There was once a very old man, about 96, living in a small community. A local paper did a story on him. He was asked, “What’s your secret to long life.” His answer: “When I first married, I promised myself that if I ever got upset with my wife, instead of saying something I didn’t mean, I would take a walk. So, all the fresh air is the reason I’m so healthy.”
Walk List - PART I
Note: Refer also to “Walk List II (below) as needed. P.S. Remember that the longer you walk, the cooler you become.
1) In considering my spouse's behavior, how is he or she just like me? In what ways? What is it that he or she wants, that I also want? What is it he or she is afraid of that I may be afraid of? (See complete content in #4 below)
2) How am I doing to my spouse what I perceive him or her doing to me?
3) What's really going on with my spouse that may be causing this? What is it that he or she needs that perhaps I could assist with or supply. Is there anything else I’m not seeing? What is God trying to show me?
4) Is there a hidden message of love? i.e.
If someone is defensive, the hidden message of love could be “I need your love.”
If someone is critical, the hidden message of love could be “I need to count on you.”
If someone is obstinate, the hidden message of love could be: “I need to feel self-determined, whole & free. If I am the one choosing in my life then I feel like I can choose to love you.”
If someone is inconsiderate, the hidden message of love could be: “I’m afraid. I’m alone. I don’t feel good enough for anyone’s love. I’m lost in my need for your approval and affirmation. I want to break through from my isolation and come through for you. I love you.”
If someone is angry, the hidden message of love could be: “I feel out of control or threatened. Because I trust you and love you more than anyone, you are who I feel the most let down and get angry at the most.”
If someone is is apathetic (checked out), hidden message could be: “I’m hurt, discouraged & lost. I don’t know how to find my way back. I want to love again. I want you to love me again. Please find me so I can come back to you. I love you.”
WALK-LIST - Part 2 - more questions
5) What kind of story am I making up about this situation, or about him or her?
Is it true?
Click here for more along this line.
Return to Breakthrough Index/directory
6) What is it that I really need from my spouse or partner ? (Facing your dark fears)
When your loved one isn't there for you, in the way you need, you will face a fear of disconnection which is usually the real issue (not his or her misbehavior). It can be helpful to face this fear so that you don't go off into other trumped up issues- all fueled by this one fear. So…
Talk directly to this person (in your mind, kind of like talking to his or her spirit), addressing him or her by name and completing this sentence:
“______ (his or her first name), what I really need from you is____.”
Repeat the sentence again: “What I need from you, so much is____.” (See examples below)
your acceptance.
your patience.
your encouragement.
to know you'll never leave me.
to feel respected.
to feel your love.
to feel like a priority.
etc.
Facing these fears brings you deeper to your inner experience and naturally moves you away from your anger or blame toward your spouse or partner.
Return to Breakthrough Index/directory
7) To what degree am I wanting something from my spouse (or partner) that he or she is unable or unwilling to give? (This is a look at how controlling I'm being).
Have I convinced myself that if my partner would just __________ I would feel better?
Is that true?
Can I ever really heal what's hurting inside of me by controlling him or her?
If my spouse cooperated with what I need from him or her, what would that make me feel?
How is making my spouse the solution to problems working out for me, or for him or her? (In other words, If I tend to not feel like I'm enough, how is it working for me to insist that he or she make me feel like I am enough?).
Does my spouse control what I feel?
How possible is it that I already have (or could have) whatever it is I feel I need from my wife?
Am I being inviting and creating enrollment or am I just being controlling?
To what degree am I willing to give up my fit, quiet my mind, draw closer to God and get back to the centering questions?
8) How is this person's behavior a mirror of some of my own behavior?
What is it that he or she wants or is afraid of that would cause him or her to ____________?
Go deep on this one. The more you can see yourself in your partner, the more negative energy you will release. What is it that he or she wants or is afraid of that would cause him or her to _______ (the behavior that’s upsetting you)?”
“What is it that he or she wants or is afraid of that would make him or her ____________ (whatever you put in the previous blank etc.
Go as many levels as necessary to find the intersection. Ask Heavenly Father to forgive you for the part of you that you have not forgiven in yourself- the part of you you’ve been hiding from the grace of Christ, and consequently, projecting onto your partner).
Return to Breakthrough Index/directory
9) What’s missing from this picture? What am I not seeing?
What am I not seeing? (in general). Wait for an answer. If nothing comes, keep going (below).
What am I not seeing about what this person really wants or needs?
What am I not seeing about what's going on in this person's life?
How can I be sure that how I'm looking at this is how it is?"
What he or she afraid of?
What am I afraid of or what is it I need?
What am I not seeing about who this person really is?
What am I not seeing about who I really am, and what I already have- deep inside of me- regardless of what my spouse is doing or not doing- saying or not saying?
What am I not seeing about what's going on in my life?
What am I not seeing about why I am responding like this?
Heavenly Father, what is it I need to know?”
”What am I not seeing” can sometimes be amplified in a “Guided Tour”, meaning, ask your Heavenly Father to give you a guided tour through your spouse's heart. Ask Him to lead you into the different rooms of his or her life and experiences, his or her fears, or buried feelings and needs. God can and will show much to a humble heart. Get humble and ask for a tour!
10) How did I create this problem and/or how am I still creating it?
Which of the following could apply to you?
Controlling (bugging, nagging, arguing or trying to get my way).
Criticizing, complaining or showing disappointment (even an implication of disappointment).
Checked out, not attentive or responsive.
Blaming, judging, comparing etc.
Too many answers. Not enough questions. Not enough listening and empathy.
Not sensitive to his or her needs or feelings.
Not putting his or her needs first.
Thoughtless, reckless in the way I talk, panicked, angry or hysterical. Not careful.
Moralizing and lecturing instead of listening, encouraging and supporting.
Being defensive about any of the above, instead of being repentant & apologizing.
Return to Breakthrough Index/directory
11) How can I be the solution? (List the ways)
Instead of living in blame & looking to my spouse or partner as the cause of our problem and as holding the keys for the cure, how can I cure this? How can I be the solution?
Get present with how compelling your hallucination is that this is about him or her! Pray to be free of this and to have God open your heart to a view of yourself as the cause and pray for the strength to rise up as the solution!
What are some ways you could be the solution? Consider the following:
Apologizing.
Initiating a "Love seat" or a "Real Conversation."
Mastering "Managing Incoming"
Being true to the principles of mutual respect, one issue at a time, using an issues list, issues management meetings and other Path of Peace principles.
Praying for humility.
Learning to take time out and take a walk vs. firing back.
Making sure that his or her needs are met, financially, emotionally, recreationally, sexually and spiritually.
Looking for more ways to serve him or her (even asking him or her for ideas i.e. "How can I love you best today?")
Asking God to fill your heart with forgiveness, love, leadership, patience, etc. whatever it is you need to lead your relationship on to victory!
From LDS, ARP, ask: "Is there anything I can say or do, without pretense, which will lead to a respectful solution for me and ___________ (spouse, child, friend etc.)?"
If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been visiting a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and choose another section.
Return to Breakthrough Index/directory
For one on one breakthrough training, schedule an appointment with John or text Narelle @ 801 548 8212.
Healing Mirror & Betrayal Turn-Around
“I did that” -
3 of the most important words you will ever say.
Prelude to Healing Mirror, Self Betrayal Turn-Around and “Looking for Myself as the Cause” in the “Clearing Sequence.”
Accountability occurs in hundreds of layers. Even the seemingly cleanest home, if inspected closely, reveals this amazing phenomena. Objectifying, blame and victim are hiding in the closets, the attic- all over the place. They are hiding on you!
Some time ago, my boy Geoffrey was walking through a lobby to one of our meetings. He walked by a coffee table and accidentally stepped on a little creamer that someone had dropped. This created an instant mess.
Rather than saying “why aren’t people more careful?”, he said to himself “I did that” and got some towels to clean it up. He explained later, as he reveled in the afterglow, that this one simple moment struck him as the way he wanted to live his life i.e. “I did that.”
Consider the power and freedom in this question “how did I do this?” or, as the apostles put it, “Lord is it I?” Consider the power and freedom of finding as many ways as you can that in fact you did do it.
When we fully address the “beam in our own eye”, we will be rid of our upset, story and reaction to the speck of dust in our loved one’s eye. Once rid of our story, navigating through differences and finding mutually acceptable solutions is so much easier.
Healing Mirror
It’s easier to see it in someone else.
“…why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?” Matthew 7:3-4
We are hesitant to look at our own personal weaknesses because we equate our weaknesses or negative characteristics as the evidence that we are not lovable. Looking at this “evidence” makes us afraid that we will not be loved. So we do not look.
Thankfully, God often gives us a wonderful gift: Whenever we are upset or irritated by someone else, God is showing us a pathway to something in ourselves that needs our attention - a place where we feel unforgiven, unlovable or ashamed.
The secret of this exercise however, has to do with maintaining your focus on someone else. Deliberately look out, instead of in. Your defense system will often not allow you to accurately look within. But it will allow you to look out, with stunningly clear vision.
Let’s do it. Consider what bothers you and find behind this mirror, the hidden treasure of God’s love!
A) Think of a behavior or characteristic that upsets you in someone else.
B) Ask: “What does this person want, or what is it that this person is afraid of that would cause him or her to __________?” (whatever this behavior is).
C) Ask: “What does this person want, or what is it that he or she might be afraid of that would make him want or be afraid of (or want) ___________ (whatever you mentioned above)”.
D) Continue down this page until an intersection between this person’s fears or desires and your fears or desire(s) appears, e.g., “Do I ever want this or am I ever afraid of this? Is what this person feels or wants or fears something I can relate to? How much?” Notice that how you seek to accomplish or avoid something may be different from the person you’re focusing on. Look for the commonality. Look for the beam in your own eye. Carefully dig around for how you do what so and so does, or how you also want what so and so wants, and how you try to accomplish the same thing that so and so is trying to accomplish.
Note also that what someone is afraid of exists only in the context of something they want. [e.g: If I’m afraid of rejection, what I truly want is to feel accepted.]
Also note that there may several intersections between what this person wants or is afraid of and what you want or are afraid of. Play around with this for a while. See what you come up with.
Common Intersections (Common ways this person is a reflection).
He or she...
is trying to piece together a sense of security in the midst of personal doubt and insecurity.
feels alone or disconnected.
doesn’t feel like he compares very well to others
feels like she’s not enough.
doesn’t trust other people’s love.
doubts that he has much to offer.
wants to feel loved, or important, noticed or valuable.
E) Once you’ve got a feeling for what you want or are afraid of intersects with what this person wants or is afraid of, you could offer a prayer that’s anything along this line:
“Heavenly Father: I see a part of me in _________. I know that you see this in me- this fear of _________ or this tendency to _______ or desire for________. You see it and yet you still love me. Help me not to hide this part of me from you anymore.
Please heal this part of me. Please forgive me & heal me from ________ (describe the fear, doubt or tendency that is behind the person’s behavior).
Please forgive me for pointing my own stuff at ________ (the person you’re bugged at). Thank you for showing me, in the mirror, my own doubt and self betrayal. Thank you for lifting me from my judgment, strengthening me to change, and bringing me home to you.”
If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been working through a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and go on to another section.
betrayal turn-around
Here’s the question:
“How I am doing to you what I feel you are you doing to me?”
You wouldn’t be so upset with your partner’s behavior if it wasn’t something you are also doing.
With the sentence starters below, search for the ways you've betrayed or let down your loved one or associate. Some will resonate. Some won’t. Go with your instincts, even if at first, none of these seem to fit. Each time you see the words, “consider the following” is another chance to turn this around into seeing how you are doing what you feel the other person is doing to you.
The deeper you go with your accounting, the less upset and story you will experience. Working with this can produce a miracle in your heart.
a) ______ (person’s name) is not coming through for me.
Consider the following: I am not coming through for ______ i.e. (How is this true?)
b) ______ is blaming me.
Consider the following: I am blaming ______ i.e. (How is this true?)
c) ______ is trying to control or manipulate me (or someone else)
Consider the following: I am being controlling or manipulative in my relationship with this person or in this situation.” (How is this true?)
d) ______ is making me wrong.
Consider the following: I am making ____ wrong. (How is this true?)
e) ______ is invalidating me (or not understanding me or not appreciating me).
Consider the following: I am invalidating _____ (How is this true?)
f) ______ is abandoning me or abusing me (or “has abandoned or abused me”)
Consider the following: I am abandoning (or abusing) ________ (How is this true?)
For more breakthrough along this line click to “Clearing Sequence”
Smoke alarms & doorbells
What’s at the bottom of your story?
This is the central tool in Agreement 5 (Heal the Real Wounds). It is also a great tool for Agreement 2 because breaking through our story to peace often requires a deeper look at what’s going on in your life.
Much of what you’re feeling could be related to something you may not have considered.
Please rate, from 1 to 10 (10 being the most), how true each statement is for you. You could ask “Is this where I am hurting?” This is not an opportunity to beat yourself up. It is an opportunity to dismantle the illusions about your pain.
Self Centered (or Self absorbed)
Others exist only in terms of what they can provide.
I don’t seem to ever be completely present (to others- to anything).
Obsessed with my own life, my goals, story or pain. Not available.
Not tuned into people. Not sure I want to be.
Tend to turn conversations back to me, or…
I tend to isolate.
Addicted (Alcohol, drugs, sugar, shopping, social media etc.).
Overly self-sufficient (I can do it myself, without God).
Busy, fearful mind vs. quiet, still & believing.
Disconnected from God.
In resistance to other people’s choices (complaining, moaning, groaning, or having little quiet fits about why others don’t do what you think they should).
Out of Control
Body, Health, Eating, Money, Debt, Time, Schedule etc.
Because of not being in control, missing my potential.
Out of balance; Not enough work, fun, spirituality, solace, creativity (What is it for you?)
Not enough “self care” i.e. Day Spa, mountain biking, hobbies etc.
Can't seem to get control of my life. Feel overwhelmed.
Not creating connection with and support from friends and family.
Not giving and/or receiving enough hugs and non sexual affection.
Living space needs organization and beautification.
I don’t experience enough quiet: too much radio, texting, talking, TV, video games, etc.
Out of Vision
”Where there is no vision, the people perish” Proverbs 29:18
Your soul hungers and thirsts for vision, meaning a picture or feeling of how you want to serve and what you want to contribute- even if it’s just getting up every day and considering options for ways to serve and contribute- even if its to make cookies all day and deliver them to anyone you can find (along with a hug).
Get serving! Get contributing! Don’t even worry about how, where or what. It’s hard for God to steer a parked car! There you are, slumped along the side of a road, waiting for inspiration- waiting for a sense of purpose to come to you. It may not come!
I lack a sense of vision, passion, contribution and purpose.
I am parked along the side of life’s road, waiting for direction on how to contribute to people’s lives.
Unwilling to move without a vision or purpose, but unwilling to receive vision because I’m not moving.
Self Betrayed
Lack of integrity. Loss of virtue. Unresolved darkness.
Lack of personal power (struggling with boundaries).
Buried feelings (not facing and feeling what’s inside).
Addictions that I haven’t faced.
Blame, accusations, projections vs. accountability.
Unforgiving. Withholding love. Exiling someone. Unforgiving of self.
Living in victim story, my story of helplessness, or my story of distrust.
Afraid to risk. Always playing it safe- the ultimate “Mahana the friend.”
Avoiding and/or denying needed change (diet, relationships, career etc.)
Protected, hibernating, pretending to be happy.
Unwilling to tell myself the truth (the whole truth).
I judge people quickly and harshly. I judge myself harshly.
B-choice fests, in food, work and relationships.
After the above assessment…
Contemplate the above ratings, taking special note of the higher numbers.
Notice where it might be hurting even more than you realized. This could be at the bottom of your current story.
If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been working through a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and go on to another section.
opposite action
Reverse Your Inclination
Force yourself into the opposite direction than you’re currently heading- moreover, do something or get used to something different than what you’ve been doing or are used to.
This works well in with Faith and Focus.
If you’re struggling to forgive, pray for and serve this person.
If you’re afraid of heights, go bungee jumping.
If you’re single and afraid of being hurt, get online for 3 hours a week.
If you’re married & worried that you’ll never be happy with this person, do a camping trip with him or her. Cook him or her his favorite food. Make HIM or HER happy! (which is the opposite of wondering about your own happiness).
If you’re single and keep attracting charismatic, yet self centered men (often two ends of the same stick), force yourself to a different type of stick! Check out some accountants, or someone who just returned from a 2 years in a monastery. Women especially, the good ones usually take a while to grow on you. The disasters usually draw you in immediately. Changing your attraction frequency requires doing the opposite of what you naturally do.
Along the same line, if you keep jumping into relationships with Mr. Wrong, force yourself to be more careful. Double date at first. Get some references if possible. Get an honest look at this person’s strengths and weaknesses before getting involved. Do the opposite of rushing in. Take your time. Force yourself to truly see.
If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been working through a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and go on to another section.
Worse Case Scenario
Not a good day?
If it’s not any worse than what’s pictured here, things may not be that bad! (Just kidding …sort of)
STEP 1) Identify what you are worried about.
Dig in deep. Get it all out from everywhere it’s hiding. That’s what’s eating you up- worries hiding in the background and shadows. It’s fears and worry that are unclear and unspoken that are causing most of your anxiety.
STEP 2) Go to the worst case scenario and ask yourself “Could I live with that?” i.e.
1) Lose your job.
Can’t pay your mortgage. Lose your house.
Could end up living in a Motorhome.
Could end up living with Aunt Millie.
Could you live with any of this?
2) Your spouse dies.
Live alone the rest of your life
Start dating again?
Could you live with either of these?
3) You never marry and/or you never date, the rest of your life.
You end up involved in singles activities forever!
Could you live with that?
4) The “wrong” party is in office…
…which leads to the unraveling of society.
People are rioting in the streets. The end of the world is near.
Could you live with that?
STEP 3) Embrace this self evident answer to “Could I live with that?”
Be still for a moment, with a prayer in your heart and hear the answer. “Of course you can!” You may not like it, but God willing (and He is willing), you will not only just live with it, you will thrive!
Your journey will never end, neither will the love you can give, neither will the glory of God ever dry up in your heart and soul. In life or death, single or married, rich or poor, healthy or sick, tell yourself the truth: “Come what may, I will give! I will love! I will serve! I will grow and I will thrive!”
God is able and willing to turn ALL things to our good.
Examples:
1) Lose your job. Can’t pay your mortgage. Lose your house.
Could end up living in a Motorhome. (How fun! Travel the country!)
Could end up living with Aunt Millie. (It’s about time you reconnected with family)
2) Your spouse dies. and you are faced with loneliness or dating again (two hard roads).
Live alone the rest of your life. (Think of how many people with even worse burdens, you could serve & comfort)
Start dating again? (Could be fun to start over again with another fixer upper)
3) You never marry and/or you never date for the rest of your life?
You end up involved in singles activities forever! (How many people need you as a close friend or even as a Mom or Dad?)
How much real joy is possible in real service?
4) The “wrong” party is in office which will lead to the unraveling of society.
If the end comes, we are that much closer to meeting up with our relatives and our Heavenly Father. Yay!
STEP 4) As the “what if?” now moves into “I could live with that” reclaim the energy and creativity needed to move you from your worse case scenario and into actions and habits leading to the best possible scenario.
Ho’oponopono
Opening a Path to Love
“Ho’oponopono”, an ancient Hawaiian healing ritual, is so effective that Joe Vitalie wrote a whole book about it called “Zero Limits.” Even if you don’t read the book, the basic process is outlined below.
Version 1) “Ho’oponopono” for rebuilding trust in someone else
Think of someone who you are struggling to forgive and/or who is struggling to forgive you, or just someone that for whatever reason you feel resistance to or disdain for.
See this person in your mind’s eye and say:
[Person’s name].
I’m Sorry.
Please Forgive Me.
I forgive you.
Thank You.
I love you.
The key to this is to be fully present to these words, repeating the phrases as many times as you feel to.
If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been working through a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and go on to another section.
Return to Breakthrough Index/directory
version 2) “Ho’oponopono” for Self-Defeating Traits & Disease
Face to Face
A helpful variation of the above can be used for physical ailment or disease and self-defeating behaviors (or traits).
Interestingly, both self-defeating behaviors or negative character traits and illness are somewhat of a separate, false aspect of our divine, vibrant and whole nature (a child of God).
Illness can be an unconscious attempt to protect yourself from any more emotional harm. It’s as if part of you is saying “She’s been hurt enough- better to shut her down completely (even if it means leading her out of this life) than to incur any more emotional pain.”
Painful, self defeating beliefs or traits can also be an unconscious protection from disappointment (See 10-Step)- your unconscious self keeping you going around in circles, unsuccessful and frustrated to avoid even the even more painful disappointment of actually having a meaningful, effective life only for it to all end in some way.
This kind of unconscious protection isn’t a a good program . So it’s time for a conversation with this part of you.
Step 1) Identify a self defeating behavior or adverse physical condition i.e. defensiveness, pride, self-importance, jealousy, lust, anger etc. or thyroid issues, stomach or kidney issues, diabetes, cancer etc.
Step 2) In metaphysical sense (sort of a 6th sense moment), get eye to eye with this part of you. Look right into this part of you and say:
I know it hurts.
I understand what you’re trying to do.
You’re trying to protect me.
But it’s not working out very well for me.
I’m sorry I’ve lead you here.
I love you.
Thank you.
I release you into the light and love of our Heavenly Father.
If you’re feeling complete with your breakthrough work, stop here. If not, consider a previous section, or going on to a new section. Get present with how much upset or “resistance” you are still experiencing before going on. You may want to give it a number, from 1 to 10.
Return to Breakthrough Index/directory
space for trust / Space for Truth
Whenever possible…
Take time to examine your thoughts- carefully and prayerfully.
This simple breakthrough is a major part of world respected breakthrough leader, Byron Katie. It is simply to challenge your distrusting thoughts & misbeliefs and to replace these beliefs or conclusions with truth- truth that sometimes defies circumstance, but that opens your heart to trust, love and positive action.
1) Write down your misbeliefs or conclusions (beliefs or conclusions that close your heart) on the left side of a blank piece of paper i.e.
In the end, I just wasn’t enough.
I don’t know if he even can love.
She doesn’t want love. Why should I even try?
I’m an idiot. I can’t believe I did that.
etc.
2) Challenge questions.
Is that true?
Are you absolutely sure it’s true? (or is it just your story) or,
Is what I’m telling myself true?
3) As you begin to sense what isn’t true, put a line through it and write the truth to the right of it.
If you feel complete, great! If not, give the belief or feeling you’ve been visiting a number from 1 to 10 (10 being the greatest) and go on to another section.
service
Service
“We make a living by what we get but we make a life by what we give.” - Winston Churchill
If you are stuck in your conclusion that _____________ doesn’t love you, or care about you (wife, child, boss etc.), consider this: It isn't about not trusting his or her love that’s got you shaken up. It's about being disconnected from your own love (your love for him or her).
From “The Choice” by the Arbinger Group
Changing myself (breaking through my current, insane condition) requires something outside myself. That something is always present in the form of other people. Other people’s reality constantly beckons me, and it is that reality that I have been resisting. …so I don’t change by trying to change myself. …After all, who am I thinking of when I’m trying to change?
I change (breakthrough to trust and love) by forgetting myself in response to others.” - The Arbinger Group (parenthesis added)
Conclusion:
When I serve you, I tend to forget about my own fears and distrust and connect with my love for you.
When I connect with my love for you, my heart tends to open and I connect with your love for me.
Action:
1) Think of someone in your life right now, who’s love you doubt
2) See yourself serving. Make it real. Write down different ways you could serve this person.
3) Decide what you will do.
4) Serve!
5) Record your results in your journal.
ARP
Addiction Recovery, or “12 Step”
The shame and guilt we inherited from our parents- that we compounded through our own self-betrayal requires 2 things to heal:
1) A complete, 100%, pure, sincere acknowledgement of the negative, destructive choices we’ve made.
2) A complete, 100% sincere determination to turn away from our destructiveness and turn into the love, trust and hope God is willing to fully plant in our hearts.
ARP (or at least a complete adherence to its principles) is the most comprehensive path to this end. The more you walk this path, the less you will see everyone and everything as against you. The more you turn from your own self betrayal and self abandonment, the less you will see others as betraying and abandoning you.
If you’re feeling complete with your breakthrough work, stop here. Congratulations! If not, consider redoing this section, returning to a previous section, or going on to a new section for another layer of work. Get present with how much upset or “resistance” you are still experiencing before going on. You may want to give it a number, from 1 to 10.
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Conclusion
Breakthrough Creates Trust
Though Breakthrough applies to all 9 Agreements, Agreement 2 (Unconditional Trust) exists as the most dynamic intersection. Unconditional Trust is the ultimate breakthrough and Breakthrough is the fastest way to Trust.
Perhaps the most epic example is the Savior. Even while suffering unthinkable pain, Jesus trusted the very people who were crucifying Him, and loved them- “Father, forgive them for they know not what do.”